the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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