THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
