were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
