you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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