So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
