It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
