I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
