I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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