ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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