As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
