unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
