So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize