Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
