he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
