Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
