the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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