I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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