And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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