i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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