Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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