i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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