My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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