She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
