my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
