And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
