You really coming over, don't trick.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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