okay pat passed out under dana's car
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
