Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
