Barsexuality is the new black.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
