I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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