wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
