she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
