i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
