If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
