Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
