I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
