she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
