Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
