did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
