please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
