1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
