he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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