It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
