Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
