This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize