Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
