your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Randomize
