If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
