I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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