Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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