Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You need Xanax blowdarts
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize