It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
