Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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