I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
