Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize