I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
