I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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