Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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