yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
