You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
