is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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