If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
