Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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