well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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