I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
