thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize