Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
