my room smells like sperm. sweet.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can I color on your dick again?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
