Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
