I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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