She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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