This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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