you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
