You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
