Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
