I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
