here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
