so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
