the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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