This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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