Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Come see our sink grown plant.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Randomize
