I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
