Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
