I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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