Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize