Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
