So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize