I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
