Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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