Don't you send me to vm
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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