Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize