My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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