This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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