She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
