They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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