I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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