Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
